For the past month or so I have been having period-like cramps at random times. I knew that they were normal pregnancy aches and pains. The past 2 weeks however, they became a lot more frequent and had them multiple times everyday. Fearing that I could possible be in labor, or that my body could be naturally progressing toward labor I felt I need to make a trip Labor and Delivery to get it checked out just in case.
I felt great in the car, thinking we should be able to find out some new news as to why I was feeling like this. I even felt Lyla give me a reassuring kick while driving on the freeway.
We got there and check in as I did the normal protocol of changing into a hosptial gown and giving a pee sample. I made my way over to the gurney and lyed down while hte nurse got the fetal monitor out. After moving it around in all different ways, there was still nothing to hear. I instantly knew there was going to be no heartbeat and began to talk to the nurse, letting her know that they had usually found it by now (her heart is so so strong), and that I was really hoping she'd still be hanging on. I'm sure the nurse just didn't know what to say or how to react, but she never made eye contact with me, or acknowledged anything I was saying. She just put the monitor away and said a Dr. was going to be coming in to look with an ultrasound.
They finally lead Adam into the room to wait with me and I told him they couldn't find her heartbeat. Doctor #1 came in with one of the general ultrasound machines and began to move the wand across my belly. After looking for awhile, she confirmed she could not find a heartbeat, but wanted a second opinion, so we waited for Doctor #2 who came in bringing the good ultrasound machine. They both agreed that they thought they saw some movement with this machine but weren't sure if it was her heartbeat. So they called in Doctor #3 to take a look. This time with all 3 standing there, they agreed that there was no heartbeat. But for some reason they still wanted to call Doctor #4 in to take a look as well. After much poking and prying, she confirmed that there was in fact no heartbeat, and that we would then be ready to induce. In front of everyone I could not hold back my tears any longer. Yes, I knew what her expected diagnosis was, but I did not go into L&D expecting her to no longer be with us. Her heartbeat was always so strong, and easily detected. I was shocked to hear this strong heart of hers had just stopped. I then began to bawl about the fact that I would not be taking her home like I had thought and planned in my head, and she would not have the chance to see me. I wanted to see her and have her see me. I wanted that moment with her and the realization that I was not going t have that moment hurt me. I then began to wonder over the question of when she died. How could I not know when her heart beat for the last time?? After much tears and communicating with friends and family, I was finally wheeled into my official labor and delivery room around 5am.
The first step was to get the cervical balloon in place to dilate my cervix, which they dud around 645am, and they started the pitocin drip around 730am. It is now 2pm as I write this and not much has progressed. I was told this could take awhile...so its now all coming to life as I see how long this process is going to take.
