Delivery 06/05

Last night they checked the cervix balloon and I was dilated at 4cm, so they were able to take that out which was a relief. The contractions started getting closer together, lasting long, and a lot more painful, especially because I began having back labor as well, so it was extremely uncomfortable. From the moment we first came into L&D they have been letting me know that I could get the epidural at anytime. They mostly just wanted me to be as comfortable as possible and would try everything they could to make things easier on me, since nothing about this whole process has been easy. I however was determined to go a little while before getting the epidural. I wanted to be able to experience a lot of the labor with her. Somewhere between 7 and 8 pm, (I'm not sure because the time has been all running together since we got to the hospital), I had decided on the epidural, since the balloon was out, and things were clearly progressing.

I began to sit up and get adjusted for the epidural when my water broke on its own! That was pretty exciting for me. I'm not sure why, but it felt really real, and I was happy something during this labor happened naturally. 

They administered the epidural and it was so funny because although my left side was feeling tingly and numb, I'm sure like normal, I could not feel a single thing on my right side. Needless to say, after some worry as to whether my right side would permanently be like that, I ended up feeling a lot better and was finally able to relax. I then began to wonder why I waited so long in the first place!! 

My sister Michelle, lives in San Diego, and she decided that morning that she was going to fly out and try to make it for her birth. Her flight got in at 955pm, and the airport is only 15 minutes down the freeway from the hospital. Almost immediately after I got the epidural, it was time for Adam to run down there and pick her up. About 10 minutes into him being gone and me marveling over how I could not feel my right leg, the nurse came to put the catheter in. As she started to do it, she noticed something that 'could' be about to make its way out. She wasn't sure what it was: whether it was Lyla, an umbilical cord, etc, but she didn't want to put in the catheter at least until Adam was back, because sometimes, the insertion of that, could bring on the possibility of  her coming, or labor progressing quickly. That brought on the exciting, scary, 'rush, we've gotta hurry' feelings. I texted Adam to let him know what was up and that I was gonna try to lay and wait until he got there, but that she could be coming anytime. After not hearing anything from him, I called my sister who was just about to get in the car for them to head back over to me at the hospital. Just in time, Adam and my sister came in the room and I got to say a quick hi! The nurse, proceeded to try and insert the catheter when she decided to just call the Dr. and have him take a look. Before I know it, we're no longer even getting a catheter and I'm having to give some pushes. I am so proud of Adam because he was right by my side the whole time, and watching which I didn't think he'd be able to do, and reassuring me that it was okay, I was doing great, and he was proud of me. Words can't express how thankful I am for having a husband like him. Lyla is such a lucky girl to have him as her daddy. He loves her so much. We love her so much. She is our sweet daughter. 

I was feeling somewhat sick when she came out, around 1045pm, so I had them clean her up first before I got to hold her. While the nurse was getting her ready, they also took her measurements. She weighed 3 pounds even, 12 inches long. I was amazed. She wasn't expected to exceed 2.5 pounds at FULL term: 40 weeks. She was delivered at 32 weeks and weighed 3 pounds... surprising us once again! 

While they were doing that, the Dr. felt around and gave me an ultrasound, with the 2nd opinion of another Dr. as well, in confirming that everything was out and everything looked good. I am so thankful for a smooth delivery with no complications. One funny moment that I do really wish I had on video was when my stomach growled loud for a full on 6 seconds or so. Everyone was silent, the nurse, Adam, my sister, just looking at my belly when it did that. I was definitely hungry!!

I was nervous, but so happy at the same time to hold my sweet girl. I just held her in my arms in a beautiful crochet blanket the hospital had, in a super tiny size, that fit her perfectly. One of my favorite first memories of looking at her was how sweet her little body was. her booty and legs were folded so femininely and her skinny little arm, matching her long slender legs just perfectly. Everything about her was tiny. Her little fingers and toes! Her face is beautiful. She has full perfect lips and a little nose.

Even though she didn't have any deformities on her face or anything, the fact that she had passed inside me, along with her condition, made her body and skin extremely soft and fragile, so the whole birth and delivery process just squished her up a bit. Because of that, the doctors warned us that she didn't look like a healthy newborn baby, which we knew and were fully prepared for. 

After spending much time with her, holding her, admiring her, and talking about how cute she was and proud, we handed her off to the hospital staff. Thankfully, they're going to be the ones dealing with the funeral home and all the not great things that are to come. I cried a lot when I had to say goodbye, but what also makes me feel better is knowing that she isn't gone, and I wasn't really saying goodbye. Her body carried her life here on earth while she was inside of me, but she is no longer here, she is in heaven. It makes it a little easier just knowing that I have not lost her, and I didn't need to say goodbye. There's a saying about time in heaven being different. I am picturing Lyla running around in a field with friends, her long hair flowing with a flower in her hair, laughing and playing. And by the time she turns around, I will already be there.