'Normal' Appointment 05/02

So the past couple days have been rough ones. I was just feeling so sad about the expected outcome for our sweet girl that I could not pull myself out of the slump. The weird thing is, with all the sadness I was feeling, I was actually starting to feel indifferent because I would not let myself cry about it. I had gotten used to the idea of what was to come for us that I got used to telling people I was feeling okay and even talking about her diagnosis... I was almost robotic about everything and matter of fact. Finally, it was the eve before our next appointment and I could not hold it back anymore. I layed in bed and tears just started to flow. I can honestly say that I have never felt tears like the ones that have been coming out of my eyes over my daughter. My eyes can lay open and still without blinking, and tears just overflow out of them and stream down my cheeks. I let myself go as Adam comforted me as I talked about every crazy thought that was going through my mind.
>One thing I've noticed myself doing through all of this is wanting everything to be perfect and organized. My OCD is now out of control. I think I feel so out of control with Lyla's condition, that my feelings have manifested into controlling the little things, like cleaning every spot on the conunter after dinner, to running the dish washer immediately after its full, and putting it away first thing the next morning. <
Our appointment day started with us having a meeting with a Neonatologist who was so sweet and nice. He was so compassionate and empathetic, I instantly felt at ease. He started by talking about how upsetting it is to find ourselves in our situation and how no one should ever have to be going through this or be having a meeting like the one we were having. He proceeded to tell us that we needed to make a care plan for him to post on the bulliten board of Labor and Delivery so everyone on staff would be aware of  our wishes and desires for when the time came to deliver Lyla. Most families draw up a birth plan: Outlining how they would like their labor and delivery to go if everything went as they hoped and planned. The care plan we were told to create is just like a birth plan, but based soley on Lyla and the care we wish for her. The Neonatologist left the room for a moment to grab us a copy of another families care plan to use as a reference and I felt my eyes burning. I looked at Adam to let him know I was seriously about to cry. Then within one moment there are tears down each side of my face. I had no clue I could go from being totally okay to bawling in the matter of seconds. After a failed attempt at finding a tissue box, the poor Neonatologist came back to find himself having to grab a roll of toilet paper to give to me to blot my eyes. Thankfully he was there to answer any and all questions we had as far as the labor and delivery aspect of it goes. For the most part, we learned that they are there to honor all of our requests and many of the questions I had, such as if she would be treated as a normal baby, and if she would be given a chance at all or just plainly be handed to me upon her arrival, were actually up to us and they would follow our wishes. I was so thankful to hear that because there are so many things I wanted to make sure they did and now I know they will covered.
What we're hoping is that if Lyla makes it to term, and makes it through the stressful event of delivering, we want her to be given every chance at life! If she needs oxygen, we want her to get it, if she is having trouble feeding, we want her to have a feeding tube... we want her treated like any other baby who comes into the world...we want her to be given a chance. The only line we draw will be if it comes to her needing a ventiliator... that is just keeping her with us, when it's really time for her to go. We would like her to be given all the routine medicines they give newborns, be weighed and measured, given the apgar test... we want it all!  We figure that if she defies all odds by making it past the 1st trimester, into the 2nd and 3rd, and through a delivery... she's asking for a chance! The Neonatologist also informed us that they will re-test her to double check that she does in fact have triploidy and that if she is with us for a couple days and shows us that she can keep herself warm and feed (even with a feeding tube if need be), then we will be free to take her home, despite the fact that she'll only weigh a few pounds. That was so nice to hear! I actually left that meeting feeling pretty positive that we would end up bringing her home.
We went on to our actual appointment on the next floor up and it started great. I drank the glucose drink they give you for the glucose test which checks for gestational diabetes, and it was no where near as bad as I had initally thought, and I had gained 1 pound since last appointment. When we had finally met with the doctor it was such a quick visit, she literally only checked my blood pressure numbers that I had been recording, which is great and low by the way, and measured the fundus! I measured 25 centimeters which the doctor was shocked by because she thought I would measure a lot smaller. She said normal measurements are within 3 centimeters of however many weeks you are. I am 27 weeks and measured 25 centimeters!! That was so amazing to hear. I asked when we would be getting another ultrasound because we really wanted to see her! She said I'll have another appointment in 3 weeks, then they'd probably schedule an ultrasound for 2 weeks after that.
We left and sat in the waiting room right outside the exam doors to wait for the hour to be up before they test my blood for the glucose results. Not long after a technician came into the room, called my name and had me follow her. I told her I thought we had to wait a full hour before testing the results and she said no and kept walking... then stopped and looked at the nurse down the hall. She asked if we were waiting for an ultrasound and we said no, that we were waiting to finish the glucose test. My doctor walked up right there and everyone started laughing about the mix-up. Then my doctor mentioned how anxious we were to have another ultrasound because we wanted to see her, and she asked the tech if she could do a quick one for us so we could see her. And she agreed!!! We were so excited!! So we walked on in the exam room and got a free and quick 5 minute ultrasound of our girl. The tech pointed out that her eyeballs had formed since last visit and that she had her eyes open :) It was so great to have gotten to get a quick peak at her.
We finished the glucose test and I passed with flying colors. I was on cloud 9 for the whole rest of the day. Not only did we get a great meeting with the Neonatologist, but we also had a great appointment, test results, and a free peak at our baby girl! Most of this pregnancy, we had test results that were abnormal and measurements that were abnormal. It was so freeing to have gone to an appointment where all tests results were actually normal., and even the measurements we had done were normal. It was such a great feeling!!