I am 31 weeks now and the end is beginning to approach. I am so excited for her to be here... I just can't wait to meet her. I am very much praying for a miracle and definitely praying we get to take her home. We do however need to make sure that we're tying up lose ends and truly getting prepared for her arrival. I have got all the fun things down, like washing and organizing all of her blankets and clothes and preparing the lamb and Lyla Bunny to be packet in our bag on our way out. I have a list going of what I need to pack in the hospital bag such as clothes for myself, phone and camera chargers, paper for hand and footprints and any other thing that comes to mind to pack for the hospital.
One thing we haven't prepared for yet is arrangements with a funeral home. It's been on my mind for awhile, as many moms on the birth board I am apart of have brought up the fact that that is something that they wish they would have done before hand, or they are very pleased with themselves for organizing that before their baby had arrived. I too, wanted to make sure there was a plan in place because I know that when the time comes to say goodbye, the last thing I am going to want to do, is call around to funeral homes asking for prices.
So, with a heavy heart, we started our first appointment at a local funeral home. The woman greeted us and sat us down with a few prices for a burial and set out a map of the cemetery for us to view. Immediately I let her know that although I very much want to bury Lyla, I also know that where we are living now, we are not going to be forever. We're planning on moving at some point and the last thing I am going to want to do is bury my daughter, then leave her. Given that, I told her we planned on cremating her and keeping her in a special urn to stay with us, until the time was right for us to bury her later. After that, she brought out the pricing... a cremation through them is $4400, but since Lyla is a baby, they were willing to give it to us for half off: $2200, gee thanks! I feel like that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. $2200 to cremate a baby girl who isn't even expected to exceed 2.5 pounds?! Obviously, we are going to look around at other places. Some of the moms I have talked with on the birth board have mentioned that many funeral homes take care of babies for free because it is such an unnatural thing and they are so tiny. Hopefully within the next week or so we will be able to find one of those special places who actually care for families who are going to be grieving their baby and not take advantage of them!
5.23.2011
Appointment 05/23
The appointment went well today; my blood pressure's still low and looking good. A different female Dr. saw me today but thankfully she was nice. As she began taking out the doppler to listen to Lyla's heart she began to ask if I had ever had a vaginal delivery before. I told her no, this was my first baby, but that I was planning on delivering vaginally if at all possible.
Lyla's heart still sounds so great. It's crazy to listen to how perfect her heartbeat is and think she's not going to be okay.
The Dr. also measured the fundus again and my belly has grown 1cm since last visit. Of course I'm glad that I am growing, but it also doesn't feel good when I've only grown 1cm in 3 weeks.
At the end of that appointment, my favorite Dr. came in and I proceeded to tell him about our Labor & Delivery scare. I asked if he thought she was getting worse and that the end was starting to come because of her decreased movement. He said it's possible, but that there also could be some low fluid, just making it harder for me to feel her movements. He also mentioned that we will be able to tell more with an ultrasound, which we have scheduled for 2 weeks from now. I can't wait to see her again!
He also began to talk to me about inducing. He said that if at any point we feel we're ready, he would be okay inducing. It's just a whole other thing to think about. I want very much to have the chance to meet her alive and I am so scared of her dying in utero, I feel anxious for her to be here and I'm almost going to be ready to induce, just so I can see her and meet her while she's still with us. But at the same time, I want to give her every chance and give her the full time in utero to keep growing and developing. Me and Adam think it may be the best idea to ask him during our ultrasound about his thoughts and what he could see. If she's starting to stop development and is 'getting worse', we'd like to try to meet her alive. If she is still doing great, then we'd like to keep her inside as long as possible.
I guess we never really know the answer and just have to wait and see like everything else in this pregnancy with her. So we pray for guidance to know what to do and to know what is best for the 3 of us!
Lyla's heart still sounds so great. It's crazy to listen to how perfect her heartbeat is and think she's not going to be okay.
The Dr. also measured the fundus again and my belly has grown 1cm since last visit. Of course I'm glad that I am growing, but it also doesn't feel good when I've only grown 1cm in 3 weeks.
At the end of that appointment, my favorite Dr. came in and I proceeded to tell him about our Labor & Delivery scare. I asked if he thought she was getting worse and that the end was starting to come because of her decreased movement. He said it's possible, but that there also could be some low fluid, just making it harder for me to feel her movements. He also mentioned that we will be able to tell more with an ultrasound, which we have scheduled for 2 weeks from now. I can't wait to see her again!
He also began to talk to me about inducing. He said that if at any point we feel we're ready, he would be okay inducing. It's just a whole other thing to think about. I want very much to have the chance to meet her alive and I am so scared of her dying in utero, I feel anxious for her to be here and I'm almost going to be ready to induce, just so I can see her and meet her while she's still with us. But at the same time, I want to give her every chance and give her the full time in utero to keep growing and developing. Me and Adam think it may be the best idea to ask him during our ultrasound about his thoughts and what he could see. If she's starting to stop development and is 'getting worse', we'd like to try to meet her alive. If she is still doing great, then we'd like to keep her inside as long as possible.
I guess we never really know the answer and just have to wait and see like everything else in this pregnancy with her. So we pray for guidance to know what to do and to know what is best for the 3 of us!
5.19.2011
L&D scare 05/19
As I had said before, Lyla has become quite the mover, so it was no surprise that I was confused over why I hadn't felt her at all yesterday or why I continued to not feel her at all today. I decided to get some lunch and see if that would wake her up. She loves fruit and never fails to move whenever I eat an apple, strawberries, cantelope, you name it...so I tried to eat some, thinking maybe it would get her moving. Still...nothing. Finally I decided to call my old Doctor, since their office is very close by, and thought maybe they could see me for a quick check with the doppler. He had told me that anytime I needed anything through the pregnancy or wanted to do anything there instead of making the drive to UAB, I was welcome to come and see them. After talking to the nurse, who relayed the message to the Doctor who was with patients, she came back to tell me that no, they could not just check with the doppler and that they advise that I go to Labor and Delivery at UAB. 
I called UAB's Maternal Fetal Medicine nurse and had to leave a voicemail. After an hour of waiting and hearing nothing back, I decided to just call Labor and Delivery myself. Luckily a very sweet nurse answered the phone and told me that yes, I did need to come in, and that they'd be expecting me.
After Adam got home from work we gathered our things and got ready to head out. Fearing that there would be no heartbeat and they would be ready to induce, I packed a quick bag and gathered all of Lyla's things like her clothes, blankets and Lyla Bunny.
We get there in a flash, happy to see there was no traffic when we were expecting it. Right when I got settled, they hooked up the fetal monitors. My heart was beating so fast and the room was silent as I was listening to every movement, waiting to hear her precious heart.... and there it was! Beating loud; nice and strong. The nurse even commented about how strong her heart sounded. And of course began to laugh about how low she was lying. Every time the Dr. or nurses go to listen to her through either a doppler, ultrasound wand or a fetal monitor I let them know she's much lower than where they first place the device and none of them believe me and until their low and realize she really is how low I say she is! (Apparently they were all talking about it at the nurses station after because when the Dr. comes in later to do an ultrasound, she mentions she didn't believe them when they told her how low Lyla was).
After about 45 minutes of monitoring her heart the Dr. came in and told us all looked well. Not a single abnormality was found in her heartbeat for the whole 45 minutes! Then we began an ultrasound, which wasn't the best because it wasn't one of their fancy machines we had become accustomed to seeing. From what she could see, there was lower fluid than usual, but nothing alarming, and she agreed that she wasn't moving much, especially compared to how other babies are at 30 weeks. Lyla was also curled up like usual, making it a little more difficult for the Dr. to measure her. But based on the measuring she could do, Lyla weighs 1lb 2oz's as of now! Granted the average weight of a baby at 30 weeks is about 3 lbs...but to us it just shows that she's growing and its nice to know she has broke the 1 pound mark!
Shopping 05/18
Lyla has become very active these past few weeks. Moving all throughout the day and sometimes so much harder than usual it makes me stop everything I'm doing just to feel her. One of the things I love about her is that she likes to shop right along with me. It never fails, anytime I am out shopping around, she is in movement with me as we make our way through the shops and merchandise.
Tuesday of this week we made our way over to the maternity store in search of a dress to where to our friends' upcoming wedding. Unfortunately I had narrowed it down to 2 choices but neither of them I was in love with. What in the world had happened to my body and my love for shopping?! I sat in the dressing room, stressed over what to do. I made my way over to the department store where I was informed that no, they did not have a maternity section. Great, what am I going to do now? None of my dresses fit me, and I have to buy something to wear to this wedding!
I browsed through the sale rack of regular clothes and found some huge deals on some BCBG dresses that seemed stretchy enough so I tried them on. What a difference!!! They looked fabulous on me and I finally felt good about dressing my body again! I found the perfect one that stretched perfectly around my belly, holding Lyla. She kicked right along with my inflow of happiness over feeling great and finding a perfect dress for an even more perfect price! My little girl is not only my best buddy and ever present companion, but my perfect shopping partner!
Tuesday of this week we made our way over to the maternity store in search of a dress to where to our friends' upcoming wedding. Unfortunately I had narrowed it down to 2 choices but neither of them I was in love with. What in the world had happened to my body and my love for shopping?! I sat in the dressing room, stressed over what to do. I made my way over to the department store where I was informed that no, they did not have a maternity section. Great, what am I going to do now? None of my dresses fit me, and I have to buy something to wear to this wedding!
I browsed through the sale rack of regular clothes and found some huge deals on some BCBG dresses that seemed stretchy enough so I tried them on. What a difference!!! They looked fabulous on me and I finally felt good about dressing my body again! I found the perfect one that stretched perfectly around my belly, holding Lyla. She kicked right along with my inflow of happiness over feeling great and finding a perfect dress for an even more perfect price! My little girl is not only my best buddy and ever present companion, but my perfect shopping partner!
5.04.2011
'Normal' Appointment 05/02
So the past couple days have been rough ones. I was just feeling so sad about the expected outcome for our sweet girl that I could not pull myself out of the slump. The weird thing is, with all the sadness I was feeling, I was actually starting to feel indifferent because I would not let myself cry about it. I had gotten used to the idea of what was to come for us that I got used to telling people I was feeling okay and even talking about her diagnosis... I was almost robotic about everything and matter of fact. Finally, it was the eve before our next appointment and I could not hold it back anymore. I layed in bed and tears just started to flow. I can honestly say that I have never felt tears like the ones that have been coming out of my eyes over my daughter. My eyes can lay open and still without blinking, and tears just overflow out of them and stream down my cheeks. I let myself go as Adam comforted me as I talked about every crazy thought that was going through my mind.
>One thing I've noticed myself doing through all of this is wanting everything to be perfect and organized. My OCD is now out of control. I think I feel so out of control with Lyla's condition, that my feelings have manifested into controlling the little things, like cleaning every spot on the conunter after dinner, to running the dish washer immediately after its full, and putting it away first thing the next morning. <
Our appointment day started with us having a meeting with a Neonatologist who was so sweet and nice. He was so compassionate and empathetic, I instantly felt at ease. He started by talking about how upsetting it is to find ourselves in our situation and how no one should ever have to be going through this or be having a meeting like the one we were having. He proceeded to tell us that we needed to make a care plan for him to post on the bulliten board of Labor and Delivery so everyone on staff would be aware of our wishes and desires for when the time came to deliver Lyla. Most families draw up a birth plan: Outlining how they would like their labor and delivery to go if everything went as they hoped and planned. The care plan we were told to create is just like a birth plan, but based soley on Lyla and the care we wish for her. The Neonatologist left the room for a moment to grab us a copy of another families care plan to use as a reference and I felt my eyes burning. I looked at Adam to let him know I was seriously about to cry. Then within one moment there are tears down each side of my face. I had no clue I could go from being totally okay to bawling in the matter of seconds. After a failed attempt at finding a tissue box, the poor Neonatologist came back to find himself having to grab a roll of toilet paper to give to me to blot my eyes. Thankfully he was there to answer any and all questions we had as far as the labor and delivery aspect of it goes. For the most part, we learned that they are there to honor all of our requests and many of the questions I had, such as if she would be treated as a normal baby, and if she would be given a chance at all or just plainly be handed to me upon her arrival, were actually up to us and they would follow our wishes. I was so thankful to hear that because there are so many things I wanted to make sure they did and now I know they will covered.
What we're hoping is that if Lyla makes it to term, and makes it through the stressful event of delivering, we want her to be given every chance at life! If she needs oxygen, we want her to get it, if she is having trouble feeding, we want her to have a feeding tube... we want her treated like any other baby who comes into the world...we want her to be given a chance. The only line we draw will be if it comes to her needing a ventiliator... that is just keeping her with us, when it's really time for her to go. We would like her to be given all the routine medicines they give newborns, be weighed and measured, given the apgar test... we want it all! We figure that if she defies all odds by making it past the 1st trimester, into the 2nd and 3rd, and through a delivery... she's asking for a chance! The Neonatologist also informed us that they will re-test her to double check that she does in fact have triploidy and that if she is with us for a couple days and shows us that she can keep herself warm and feed (even with a feeding tube if need be), then we will be free to take her home, despite the fact that she'll only weigh a few pounds. That was so nice to hear! I actually left that meeting feeling pretty positive that we would end up bringing her home.
We went on to our actual appointment on the next floor up and it started great. I drank the glucose drink they give you for the glucose test which checks for gestational diabetes, and it was no where near as bad as I had initally thought, and I had gained 1 pound since last appointment. When we had finally met with the doctor it was such a quick visit, she literally only checked my blood pressure numbers that I had been recording, which is great and low by the way, and measured the fundus! I measured 25 centimeters which the doctor was shocked by because she thought I would measure a lot smaller. She said normal measurements are within 3 centimeters of however many weeks you are. I am 27 weeks and measured 25 centimeters!! That was so amazing to hear. I asked when we would be getting another ultrasound because we really wanted to see her! She said I'll have another appointment in 3 weeks, then they'd probably schedule an ultrasound for 2 weeks after that.
We left and sat in the waiting room right outside the exam doors to wait for the hour to be up before they test my blood for the glucose results. Not long after a technician came into the room, called my name and had me follow her. I told her I thought we had to wait a full hour before testing the results and she said no and kept walking... then stopped and looked at the nurse down the hall. She asked if we were waiting for an ultrasound and we said no, that we were waiting to finish the glucose test. My doctor walked up right there and everyone started laughing about the mix-up. Then my doctor mentioned how anxious we were to have another ultrasound because we wanted to see her, and she asked the tech if she could do a quick one for us so we could see her. And she agreed!!! We were so excited!! So we walked on in the exam room and got a free and quick 5 minute ultrasound of our girl. The tech pointed out that her eyeballs had formed since last visit and that she had her eyes open :) It was so great to have gotten to get a quick peak at her.
We finished the glucose test and I passed with flying colors. I was on cloud 9 for the whole rest of the day. Not only did we get a great meeting with the Neonatologist, but we also had a great appointment, test results, and a free peak at our baby girl! Most of this pregnancy, we had test results that were abnormal and measurements that were abnormal. It was so freeing to have gone to an appointment where all tests results were actually normal., and even the measurements we had done were normal. It was such a great feeling!!
>One thing I've noticed myself doing through all of this is wanting everything to be perfect and organized. My OCD is now out of control. I think I feel so out of control with Lyla's condition, that my feelings have manifested into controlling the little things, like cleaning every spot on the conunter after dinner, to running the dish washer immediately after its full, and putting it away first thing the next morning. <
Our appointment day started with us having a meeting with a Neonatologist who was so sweet and nice. He was so compassionate and empathetic, I instantly felt at ease. He started by talking about how upsetting it is to find ourselves in our situation and how no one should ever have to be going through this or be having a meeting like the one we were having. He proceeded to tell us that we needed to make a care plan for him to post on the bulliten board of Labor and Delivery so everyone on staff would be aware of our wishes and desires for when the time came to deliver Lyla. Most families draw up a birth plan: Outlining how they would like their labor and delivery to go if everything went as they hoped and planned. The care plan we were told to create is just like a birth plan, but based soley on Lyla and the care we wish for her. The Neonatologist left the room for a moment to grab us a copy of another families care plan to use as a reference and I felt my eyes burning. I looked at Adam to let him know I was seriously about to cry. Then within one moment there are tears down each side of my face. I had no clue I could go from being totally okay to bawling in the matter of seconds. After a failed attempt at finding a tissue box, the poor Neonatologist came back to find himself having to grab a roll of toilet paper to give to me to blot my eyes. Thankfully he was there to answer any and all questions we had as far as the labor and delivery aspect of it goes. For the most part, we learned that they are there to honor all of our requests and many of the questions I had, such as if she would be treated as a normal baby, and if she would be given a chance at all or just plainly be handed to me upon her arrival, were actually up to us and they would follow our wishes. I was so thankful to hear that because there are so many things I wanted to make sure they did and now I know they will covered.
What we're hoping is that if Lyla makes it to term, and makes it through the stressful event of delivering, we want her to be given every chance at life! If she needs oxygen, we want her to get it, if she is having trouble feeding, we want her to have a feeding tube... we want her treated like any other baby who comes into the world...we want her to be given a chance. The only line we draw will be if it comes to her needing a ventiliator... that is just keeping her with us, when it's really time for her to go. We would like her to be given all the routine medicines they give newborns, be weighed and measured, given the apgar test... we want it all! We figure that if she defies all odds by making it past the 1st trimester, into the 2nd and 3rd, and through a delivery... she's asking for a chance! The Neonatologist also informed us that they will re-test her to double check that she does in fact have triploidy and that if she is with us for a couple days and shows us that she can keep herself warm and feed (even with a feeding tube if need be), then we will be free to take her home, despite the fact that she'll only weigh a few pounds. That was so nice to hear! I actually left that meeting feeling pretty positive that we would end up bringing her home.
We went on to our actual appointment on the next floor up and it started great. I drank the glucose drink they give you for the glucose test which checks for gestational diabetes, and it was no where near as bad as I had initally thought, and I had gained 1 pound since last appointment. When we had finally met with the doctor it was such a quick visit, she literally only checked my blood pressure numbers that I had been recording, which is great and low by the way, and measured the fundus! I measured 25 centimeters which the doctor was shocked by because she thought I would measure a lot smaller. She said normal measurements are within 3 centimeters of however many weeks you are. I am 27 weeks and measured 25 centimeters!! That was so amazing to hear. I asked when we would be getting another ultrasound because we really wanted to see her! She said I'll have another appointment in 3 weeks, then they'd probably schedule an ultrasound for 2 weeks after that.
We left and sat in the waiting room right outside the exam doors to wait for the hour to be up before they test my blood for the glucose results. Not long after a technician came into the room, called my name and had me follow her. I told her I thought we had to wait a full hour before testing the results and she said no and kept walking... then stopped and looked at the nurse down the hall. She asked if we were waiting for an ultrasound and we said no, that we were waiting to finish the glucose test. My doctor walked up right there and everyone started laughing about the mix-up. Then my doctor mentioned how anxious we were to have another ultrasound because we wanted to see her, and she asked the tech if she could do a quick one for us so we could see her. And she agreed!!! We were so excited!! So we walked on in the exam room and got a free and quick 5 minute ultrasound of our girl. The tech pointed out that her eyeballs had formed since last visit and that she had her eyes open :) It was so great to have gotten to get a quick peak at her.
We finished the glucose test and I passed with flying colors. I was on cloud 9 for the whole rest of the day. Not only did we get a great meeting with the Neonatologist, but we also had a great appointment, test results, and a free peak at our baby girl! Most of this pregnancy, we had test results that were abnormal and measurements that were abnormal. It was so freeing to have gone to an appointment where all tests results were actually normal., and even the measurements we had done were normal. It was such a great feeling!!
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